What a difference a year makes

How can a year go by so quickly and change how you view life so drastically? One year ago today my life was forever changed. You see, I began my day doing what I always do. I was greeting the children that I keep and was so glad to see them after the weekend. My BFF, Karen, asked if I could keep her foster daughter who was 3 months old for her so she could go to an appointment. I had fed her a bottle, changed a dirty diaper and laid her down for a nap. When Karen returned around 11:30, we sat and talked for a few minutes and then she went in to get the baby up from her nap. Life changed in that instant. She came running out of the room with Kailah, frantically telling me she was dead. How could this be? Just two hours before she was a perfectly healthy 3 month old? We called 911 and while waiting for them to arrive we did everything we knew to do, but we knew it was too late. I can not begin to explain the sorrow, horror, fear that I experienced that day. The paramedics had trouble finding our house because of it being off the road. When they did get here they could not get in the drive with the firetruck because of our fence around the house. It seemed to be one delay after another. Once the ambulance arrived, Karen was able to leave in the ambulance with Kailah. I remained at the house. I could not reach Mike because he was in a meeting. People began arriving at the house. The investigators would not let anyone in the house because of it being considered "a crime scene". I remember walking around the house with my hands on my head crying not knowing what to do. After what seemed like a million questions I was freed to go to the hospital. All I wanted to do was to get to Kailah and Karen.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind. After having to leave the hospital we returned to the Johnstons house. No one was ready to face going to my house. Luckily when I did return later that night, a very dear friend had been there and cleaned everything up.

The next few days brought more sadness than I had ever experienced. I knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt that Kailah had not been hurt, but could not find any rest at all until the preliminary autopsy came back. Of course, they found no reason for death and ruled it SIDS.

I have heard our pastor speak of being in the room when someone who is a Christian dies. He says he feels like he is on Holy Ground because he believes that Jesus actually enters the room of the one dying and takes their spirit back with Him. I was reminded that during the hustle and bustle of my day one year ago, unknown to me at the time, Jesus entered my home and left with the soul of a very precious little girl. I will never understand what took place that day until I am in Heaven with my Jesus, but He is the ultimate Conforter and Healer.

I am so thankful for friends and family that surrounded us during that time. You are more special than you will ever know.

Life is good today, but because of what I have experienced one year ago, I will never view life like I did before, or take it for granted. God is good!